See below for a list of dialogue hints and tips, a link to a lifetime list of Dialogue Questions, a link for a list of feeling words and a dialogue template.
Dialogue Hints and Tips
1. If things are difficult, keep the questions rather positive and try not to tackle tough subjects. Questions centering on what attracted me to you, best date we ever had, what a dream vacation would be, what quality do I like best about you, etc. Positive questions are important in order to help you focus on the positive aspects of your relationship.
2. Remember the purpose of dialogue is to help you understand your spouse's feelings. It is not to change one another or to manipulate one another. Each dialogue question should be written so that the couple finds out how one another feels. Not how they think... but how they feel. Then truly try to understand and accept one another as you are. (A link to a list of feeling words is here.)
3. Separations due to travel can be a challenge. Many couples use the same question for each day they are apart, something like "How Do I Feel Today?" or "What were my feelings today?" Once together, they read all the letters from their time apart, and then dialogue on the feelings they have reading the letters.
4. Have a couple favorite questions to fall back on when finding the right one is difficult. "How do I feel about today?" is a standard one.
Remember, dialogue is a gift. A gift with no strings attached.
W.E.D.S. Guidelines for Dialogue
Write your letter to an already chosen question for 10 minutes. As you write, keep in mind the person to whom you are writing – your spouse. Write for the full 10 minutes. First, answer the question in two or three sentences sharing your thoughts. Then, reflecting on your answer, get in touch with your feelings. Write your feelings honestly, openly, and sincerely. Describe your feelings in a way that your spouse can relate.
Exchange your letters silently and lovingly as a gift of yourselves to one another. Silently read each other’s letter twice – once for the head and once for the heart.
Dialogue after you have read the letters twice. Decide which of you expressed the strongest feeling. Dialogue on that feeling for 10 minutes. Sit close to each other and give each other your full attention. Once you have exhausted all the ways to describe the feeling or 10 minutes is up, the dialogue should be brought to closure.
Select a question for the next day’s dialogue now. Do not wait or it may not happen. Choose a question about things that are pertinent to your relationship. Take turns choosing questions.
Write the dialogue question you and your spouse have decided to write on. *
Prayer (Optional) *
Optionally, write a brief prayer to help get you in the mindset for the dialogue letter.
Example: 'Dear John,' or 'My lovely Jane,'
It is good to write something nice your spouse has done lately that you appreciate
Feeling Word *
Enter the feeling word that is invoked by this question
On a scale of 1 to 10, how strong is this feeling? *
If this feeling were a physical sensation, it would be like: * Use a physical sensation to describe the feeling. Example: 'having butterflies in my stomach' or 'my lungs filling with fresh air'
If this feeling were an image, it would be like: * Use an image to describe the feeling. Something from nature, a color, a movie etc.
If this feeling were a shared memory, it would be like the time: * Enter a memory you both share that invokes this feeling for you. Your spouse is most likely to connect with this.
Closing * End with a loving or caring line to show your appreciation
Sign Letter *
Something like 'Love, John' or 'All my love, jane'